Piecing the Darkness
by kangaroo joe
Summary: The five horsemen attack the auditors.


Following the victory over the auditors during Thief of Time, the horsemen thought it best to press home there advantage, and delay the next auditor assault indefinitely....  
  
The horsemen galloped over the steppes of reality, much, much faster then light... As they reached the gap between the universe, Death turned to the other horsemen and said ARE YOU SURE YOU WISH TO DO THIS? The others were silent for a moment. The War spoke up. "Behind you all the way old boy!! We'll show them, what?" Pestilence nodded. "Lets show the bastards!!!!. Famine?" the third of the five turned around looking confused "what? Oh. Yes. Sorry, thought I'd have a quick cheese sandwich seeing as we'd stopped. I'm with whatever Pestilence said" The four faced the fifth, who slowly nodded, and said "some things have to be done." And with there own personalised warcrys*, the horsemen charged into the abyss outside their universe....  
  
**** * variously ATTACK, "TO WAR!!!!", "FOR HERPES!!!!", "SALAD CREAM FOREVER" and "FEEL THE WRATH OF RONNIE!!!"  
  
They arrived in the darkness between the worlds.... So dark that it makes black look like white. and the horsemen looked up and saw the grey forms of the Auditors flow together into one form, which was a that of an elderly man wearing a tie and a suit. Both of these were of course grey. They Meta-Auditor summoned 4 mirrors out of the darkness and floated in the middle of them, and the horsemen watched in silent determination as the mirrored forms left the mirrors and lined up beside the original to stare down at them. One meta- auditor per horsemen. The mirrors floated down towards the horse men, and landed in front of Chaos, Famine War and Pestilence. They stepped through the mirrors, followed by one meta-auditor each. This left Death alone with the original.  
  
It said, you know you can never defeat us. We are the rules. You must always have rules. You have said so yourself.  
  
Death looked up, his eyes blazing with blue fire. YES. YOU ARE THE RULES. AND THERE MUST ALWAYS BE RULES. BUT RULES APPLY TO EVERYONE. AND YOU BROKE THEM. YOU TRIED TO DESTROY TIME ITSELF.  
  
Death extended a bony arm and the auditor flew backwards.  
  
Death advanced waving his scythe in front of him. BUT THAT WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH WOULD IT? YOU WOULD NOT BE HAPPY EVEN THEN. AS LONG AS LIFE EXISTED YOU WOULD STRIVE TO DESTROY IT. WORSE THEN THAT, YOU WOULD STOP IT HAVING EVER EXISTING. AND WHAT THEN? WITH EVERYTHING REDUCED TO THE LEVEL OF NUMBERS, WHAT WOULD YOU DO THEN?  
  
The grey creature looked up at him and said , we would get the filing done.  
  
The blue flame in Deaths empty sockets narrowed to a thin line. THAT'S IT? He thundered. YOU WOULD UNMAKE ALL OF CREATION FOR THAT???  
  
He bought the scythe down in an arc that would have sliced the creature in two had it not raised a shield of grey to block it. It opened a hand, and a blade of pure numbers gathered in its palm. It tried to slice across, but Death caught the blow on the blade of his scythe, smacked the auditor between the eyes with the handle, and reached down and touched its heart, killing it instantly.  
  
**** War stood before the grey form of the auditor, his sword drawn in front of him. The auditor floated sideways, and said, what do you hope to achieve? You know you cannot hold us off forever. We are the rules. There must always be rules.  
  
War stood immobile for a second. The he spoke, in a voice that contained the echoes of trumpets and the sound of steel striking bronze "yes. You are the rules. Yes, we cannot defeat you forever. we can defeat you for now. And then we can defeat you the time after that, and the time after that. You will not have any victory now. You will not have any victory ever"  
  
Wars sword blazed with red flame, that framed the blade as he swung it around in an arc at head height, which would have severely in convenienced the meta-auditor had it not created a blade and parried. War reversed the stroke, instead attempting to gut the grey creature. Again, it parried. Then believing it had the measure of War, it made its first, and only, mistake... it tried to attack. War easily caught the clumsy blow to his neck, and stuck his sword though the auditors mouth and out of the back of its head.  
  
****  
  
Pestilence and the meta-auditor began circling each other slowly. Each had their swords drawn, and there eyes never left each others face. The auditor said, even if you defeat us now, we will return. Pestilence nodded. "I know. And again, and again. What's your point?" the auditor said, you know you cannot win but you still fight. You have personality. Personality means life. All that lives must one day die. Pestilence shrugged. "again, what's your point?"  
  
They both struck at the same time, there blades catching each other in mid air. The auditor leaned forward and said, you cannot win. Pestilence smiled. "wanna bet matey?" and summoning his most virulent disease, breathed gently onto the auditors face.  
  
****  
  
The auditor spoke to Famine. It said, you cannot affect me. I hunger for nothing. Famine replied "all life hungers for something. Even plants. Even mitochondria. Often for the strangest things to. I mean, take sausages in a bun. They taste foul, yet people still crave them."  
  
The auditors face arranged it self into a smile and said, but we are not alive. Famine smiled back "you are grinning. You are showing arrogance. These are personality traits. Therefore, you are alive." The auditor swung his sword in an arc and neatly chopped off famines head. Nothing was left apart from a cloud of green dust. The auditor smiled again. It looks like I win, it said. The cloud drifted behind it, and reformed into Famine, who popped a chocolate into its mouth, and grinned as the auditor began to unravel* . "or not." he said  
  
**** * read thief of time for an explanation  
  
Chaos blazed with an aura of burning cold a he walked towards the cowering auditor. It knew it had no sway here, but tried anyway. It said, you know rules apply, even to you. Chaos impaled it through the chest and said "you would not believe how wrong you are."  
  
****  
  
The Five horsemen gathered in the darkness of the emptiness around them. They quite failed to notice the string of numbers flowing through the mirrors and joining up together in the space where the original had been. The meta-auditor reformed, and said, we told you that you could not destroy us. The horsemen looked momentarily nonplussed. They had known that the creature would reform, but that did not believe it would b this fast. The creature raised a hand, and the five horsemen flew backwards... When out of the darkness flew a solid wall of screaming sound, which hit the auditor full in the chest, before splitting and surrounding the horsemen and the luckless auditor. It said "I are the music. In the beginning was the cord. I started everything. Only I have the right to end it." and turning around, it smacked the auditor again, as he attempted to rise to his feet. "and your rules have no sway with us" it said, in a voice like...like... well, like the most amazing music you have ever heard. It smashed into the auditor a third time, before leaving. The final thing the horsemen heard before the music returned to the darkness was a voice singing "dream of Californicationnnnnnnnnnnnn". and then the music was gone. The horsemen turned, and left the darkness.  
  
****  
  
And as the camera of the mind follows them in, we see the horsemen hurtling towards a world that is flat, and carried on the back of four elephants which stand on the back of a turtle who swims through space. Maybe the turtle knows what just took place. If he does, it does not bother him. He just keeps on swimming  
  
THAT'S YOUR LOT. SEE YOU NEXT TIME. 


End file.
